Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
