Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
