Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
