May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
