don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
