sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
