Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
