dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
