Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
