I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
