My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
