We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
