Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize