dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
