I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
