using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You don't make any sense
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