Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
