All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Are we still banned from the library?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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