is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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