I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
