I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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