You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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