I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
