They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
