i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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