Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
