Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
