we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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