I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
