I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
