Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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