or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i think i just lost a toe
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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