but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
