on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
