I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
