You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
