MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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