Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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