I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
