the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
