Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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