Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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