Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
