if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
