She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
