Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I want a musical about memes.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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