weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
