Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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