At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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