Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize