At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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