nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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