Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
