i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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