do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
too bad you live with your parents still
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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