i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
