hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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