i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just cropdusted the office
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize