We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
