I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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