I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
