standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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