Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
