Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
