Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
