I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
They have beer where we have blood.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
