I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
