I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
