i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
