You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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