how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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